Begrip & codependentie

Inayat Khan zei: "To understand everything, to love everything," so point out the great importance of understanding. Understand the fact that the other is thinking, feels and acts in a way, which he thinks is best for him at the moment. The understanding that the intention of most people is often good. We get what we need and if we don't want to learn or understand the lesson, it comes to us to an even greater extent.

Ben Bos gave a lecture and said that what presents itself is just like a robin tapping on our window, we don't pay attention to that and then the robin grows and becomes 30 cm and taps on our window again and that continues until the robin 2 meters and tapping our windows and then we have the crisis, we needed to come to an understanding, like I needed my crisis to find out my codependency and do something about it.

Cornelie, a woman in her late eighties is very understanding. I once asked her what her most important life lessons were, which she taught. She then said: "Let go and forgive and that is life's work". At that moment there were two books on my coffee table, one about letting go and one about forgiving. I have thanked God for this synchronicity and message.

The understanding we as a codependent muster for our partner is often much greater than the understanding we can muster for ourselves, the needs of the other are more important to us than our own.

There is a lot of misunderstanding in codependency, because we don't know ourselves, have no self-esteem, but value for others and that is the beginning of all misery.

The Dalai Lama shows compassionate understanding, even with the Chinese leader Mao, occupying Tibet. The Dalai Lama says that Mao is his greatest teacher of compassion. He is careful not to develop feelings of hatred towards Mao and thus poison his life. He does not let someone else determine his mood and attitude, what a codependent often does.

How can you understand when your feelings and thoughts are dominated by your ego and others?. Charles Whitfield mentions those characteristics in his definition of codependency. He says: "Codependency is when you put your happiness in the hands of your ego or others"

If you start to feel bad as a codependent, because your partner feels bad, there is no compassionate understanding, but there is pity and misunderstanding. We do not understand that our partner may have old pain, which has nothing to do with us. Many codependents then feel guilty and want to make the partner happy and think they have that power. We cannot make the other person happy, inspire and encourage and inspire and make you laugh, but we cannot change him, if we think so, we don't understand it very well.