Begrip & codependentie

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Inayat Khan zei: "To understand everything, to love everything," so point out the great importance of understanding. Understand the fact that the other is thinking, feels and acts in a way, which he thinks is best for him at the moment. The understanding that the intention of most people is often good. We get what we need and if we don't want to learn or understand the lesson, it comes to us to an even greater extent.

Ben Bos gave a lecture and said that what presents itself is just like a robin tapping on our window, we don't pay attention to that and then the robin grows and becomes 30 cm and taps on our window again and that continues until the robin 2 meters and tapping our windows and then we have the crisis, we needed to come to an understanding, like I needed my crisis to find out my codependency and do something about it.

Cornelie, a woman in her late eighties is very understanding. I once asked her what her most important life lessons were, which she taught. She then said: "Let go and forgive and that is life's work". At that moment there were two books on my coffee table, one about letting go and one about forgiving. I have thanked God for this synchronicity and message.

The understanding we as a codependent muster for our partner is often much greater than the understanding we can muster for ourselves, the needs of the other are more important to us than our own.

There is a lot of misunderstanding in codependency, because we don't know ourselves, have no self-esteem, but value for others and that is the beginning of all misery.

The Dalai Lama shows compassionate understanding, even with the Chinese leader Mao, occupying Tibet. The Dalai Lama says that Mao is his greatest teacher of compassion. He is careful not to develop feelings of hatred towards Mao and thus poison his life. He does not let someone else determine his mood and attitude, what a codependent often does.

How can you understand when your feelings and thoughts are dominated by your ego and others?. Charles Whitfield mentions those characteristics in his definition of codependency. He says: "Codependency is when you put your happiness in the hands of your ego or others"

If you start to feel bad as a codependent, because your partner feels bad, there is no compassionate understanding, but there is pity and misunderstanding. We do not understand that our partner may have old pain, which has nothing to do with us. Many codependents then feel guilty and want to make the partner happy and think they have that power. We cannot make the other person happy, inspire and encourage and inspire and make you laugh, but we cannot change him, if we think so, we don't understand it very well.

Codependentie & ego

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The bigger your ego, the smaller your world

One of the definitions of codependency concerns the ego and say you do codependent as you guided by your ego and / or others. My ego still plays tricks on me and is not yet ready to surrender. You do it, There on the front door and he comes through the back door inside. Nietzsche knew that and said,:"Everywhere I go I am followed by a dog called Ego '

My girlfriend and partner Elly said about ego: e—-go, yeah that would be nice.

In codependency, you also have the urge to want to be required to. That's also me with the spoon-fed, make me useful, help in the butchery. If they do not need me I feel less good and this is a signal of codependency.

When you interdependence there should be just and it is good that you are useful, but your self-esteem that is independent from, You're not dependent, your value is intrinsically.

The ego wants power like that is codependent on vehicle. Its value depends on how others think about him and he is therefore every reason to control the other person's behavior and monitor. Nietzsche called the will to power of the ego. Why do you want power?. Because you feel deep inside powerless and not in your power. You always want what you do not. The patient wants to be healthy, the poor would be rich instead of accepting what is and learn from them.

The ego makes you wise you can not function without him, you need it to survive. It is a lie that is so thick that you turned it goes beliefs and ego servant remain instead of the ego is your servant.

The ego tells you smarter, intelligent, etc. are then the other. 80% the Dutch think you have an above average intelligence!. The ego can also play the other extreme for you because you're not okay, are not good enough and he sends your inner critic that often plays a role in codependents.

There is a happy mean the Buddha pointed. Codependency is something of the extremes and that is pathologically. Codependents generally have a low self-esteem, feel less than others and find the opinion of others about them more important than their own opinion of himself, that too is again ego, never satisfied. Roy Martina called satisfaction a coma and that says a lot about the ego of the NEI-man.

For now I have a lot to ask of my ego as recovering codependent.

Een droom over kikkers

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I dreamed that there were many frogs on leaves in a pond, I pee all over those frogs and they love it. For them it is a "golden shower’ I told this dream to Elly and she had a nice interpretation she said:You can piss off "Kwakers, that's good for them ". It occurred to me that crooks are also whiners and that now I peed to listen to my own shit

Waardering

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Waarderen is niet alleen iets op prijs stellen maar ook op waarde schatten. Je kunt een aap een staaf puur goud geven en hij zal dat niet op waarde schatten en wegwerpen en kiezen voor een banaan. Zo zal een dwaas waarheid en wijsheid niet kunnen waarderen omdat het een bedreiging vormt voor z’n eigen gedachten, ideeën en concepten die hij voor de juiste houdt.

Schatten we het leven zoals het nu is wel op juiste waarde in? en weten we het wel te waarderen?. Gezien het vele geklaag van veel mensen is dat bij velen niet het geval en willen ze wat anders, maar doen er niks aan om dat te creëren en kunnen dan blijven klagen.

Ik maak nog wel eens de fout dat ik tijd, aandacht en energie geef aan mensen die daar niks mee doen en het niet kunnen waarderen. De Bijbel waarschuwde me al om geen parels voor de zwijnen te werpen en het goud niet naar de honden te brengen. Ik weet het en toch trap ik er steeds weer in.

Ik heb een grote waardering voor de vele schrijvers die op m’n weg komen en hun wijze inzichten met me willen delen en genereus zijn dat ze al dat werk willen doen voor anderen en zichzelf. Ik leer er veel van en geef het weer door op mijn eigen manier. Een leerling zei tegen z’n meester: ‘Hoe kan ik ooit m’n waardering tot uitdrukking brengen voor alles wat ik van u geleerd heb?’. De meester antwoordde: ‘Door door te geven wat je van mij hebt geleerd’, en dat doe ik ook en soms stoot dat op afwijzing en ondankbaarheid, maar ik tel m’n zegeningen er zijn ook mensen die het wel weten te waarderen.

Toen ik bij Audet tijdschriften in Nijmegen ging werken als commercieel manager keek ik eerst eens rond hoe de sfeer daar was, wat me opviel was een tekst die luidde:’Hard en goed werken voor dit bedrijf is net als plassen in in donker pak, het geeft een warm gevoel, maar niemand ziet er wat van’. Duidelijk was me toen dat werknemers te weinig gewaardeerd werden door m’n voorganger, zoals zo vaak was er wel commentaar, maar bleven complimenten en waardering uit, dat bleek ook te kloppen in gesprekken die ik met de medewerkers had.

Ik moest denken aan m’n jeugd toen ik thuiskwam met een rapport met zevens en achten en één vijfje, er was geen waardering voor de goede cijfers, alleen commentaar op dat ene vijfje, zo gaat het vaak..

Maar weinig mensen hebben voldoende waardering voor hun essentie, ze doen niet erg hun best om die essentie te leren kennen en kiezen liever voor drama. Kijk maar naar de media, the papers, tijdschriften en TV het is vooral drama en de media bieden wat de mensen willen, dat is marketing. Dat drama zorgt ervoor dat mensen kunnen ontsnappen aan hun eigen drama, als ze de drama’s zien denken ze dat het met hen nog wel meevalt.

Geld die ik ook als een vorm van waadering en niet als het slijk der aarde. Je geeft je geld uit aan dingen die je waardeert en door te betalen voor de diensten en produkten druk je je waardering uit in geld.

Meer mensen zouden kritiek als gratis advies moeten zien en waarderen, want juist door kritiek kom je verder op je weg. Als je dit artikel niet kon waarderen hoor ik dat graag van je en als je het wel waardeert geef het dan door aan anderen en vertel ze over m’n site www.hennybos.com. Alvast dank voor je inspanning

Hier nog wat quotes over waardering die ik mooi vind

Er bestaat maar één beletsel voor het tot stand komen van wederzijds begrip en waardering der volken: de domheid. – Jan Greshoff

De hoogste graad der waardering van iemands deugden bestaat hierin, dat men zijn gebreken begrijpt. – Peter Sirius

Alleen de enorme inspanningen die het leven van ons vergt leren ons de goede dingen ervan waarderen. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Mensen waarderen een goede daad niet tenzij deze een beloning oplevert. – Ovidius

Een woord van waardering kan een hart voor je openen – Henny Bos

Op internet vond ik nog de volgende tekst die me aanspreekt:

Waardering is het goede in het leven zien. Je herkent de geschenken van het leven en daar ben je dankbaar voor. Door anderen je waardering te tonen, weerspiegel je de deugden die je in hen ziet. Je ziet hun positieve bedoelingen en erkent die door je dank te tonen. Liefde groeit samen met waardering. Je vertrouwdheid met iemand groeit, als je voelt dat je elkaar opmerkt en waardeert. Als je het spirituele werk doet dat het leven je opdraagt, is het belangrijk je eigen inspanningen en je vooruitgang te waarderen. Je blijft niet hangen in de nare dingen van het leven. Je waardeert zelfs pijnlijke leermomenten. Je geniet met volle teugen van het leven en je verspilt geen dag.

 

 

Change

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Leven is verandering, is dynamic, not static. If you look at most of the people you see that are creatures of habit who cling to the old and familiar, even if it is not so great. If you ask how they are doing them answers: "It goes on smoothly," or "I can not complain 'and' no big deal ', if life is not particularly!. There are those who even lie that they are happy and then I look at their tormented face and then say:"Why not tell it to your face!’

I spoke once a friar of the monastery the Slangenburg and he gave me a lesson. Hij zei: "Look Henny, the people do this 'and he clenched his fists and said' they do convulsively, but if you can not catch, You should do this' and then he took his hands a bowl.

People often do not show the fact that life is phenomenal. People often say :"Every breath of commerce is still no improvement," and forget that any improvement or a change!…

Lao tse zei 500 BC:Plan your entire day full and there is no chance of life and what we do 2500 years later?, exactly, we plan our days filled, there is no change in the essential sense.

If you never changes and always want to stay the same you become a gray mouse, a boring piet, to live where nothing falls. An acquaintance told me proudly that he met a man on the tennis he 15 years had not seen, said the man:"Hey man you have not changed in all these years', it was a dull man who found himself very well…

In order for the new to the old must first disappear and therefore involves letting go of the old and detachment as the Buddhists call it. Always open to new ensures creativity, innovation, dynamics, liven, etc. Jezus zei:"Behold I make all things new ', but we do not listen to it because we are too full of ourselves, our own thoughts and ideas and concepts and conditionings, etc.etc.en then there is nothing for you in.

If you look at the world through the eyes of 'Is that all there is?"And you do not see the world change you can take poison, that's you that does not change. A law is that if you change, your whole world around you is changing too ', miraculously, but where is my own experience. You will always mirrored. If you find it boring, you yourself are boring and give the circumstances and other people the blame, so that nothing you have to do again and not having to change.

Zig Ziglar gave a lecture and even before that a woman came up to him. Zig said:"I immediately saw that the woman was furious and very dissatisfied '. The woman said:"Can you help me because I hate my job and hate my colleagues'. Zig said:"Can you think of a reason why you would find your job fun?’ . "No," the woman said, 'I hate everything about my baan'.Zig said:"Do you volunteer or paid you?’. "I get paid," said the woman '. "Do you find it not nice that the money in your bank account is paid at the end of each month?"Yes, that was the woman is fine and so Zig went through about health insurance, the pension plan, the holidays, etc. The woman learned to look at the positive side and went completely different way. After a year the woman comes back at him, now radiant and happy and she spoke meaningful words:"You can not imagine how people have changed my job!’

There is a great fear of change, the unknown, where the only known you could make anxious. Napoleon said that people are guided by self-interest and fear, and that he saw good in my opinion. Read self-interest than the ego-importance because it is not in the interest of your salvation by your Self, your true essence, your essence, no fear but its opposite is in fact love….

Here some more quotes about change:

Be the change you want to see in the world. –Mahatma Gandhi

Nothing lasts except change. – Heraclitus

Habits make old. Young you stay by the willingness to change. – A. Hörbiger

Any change hurts, no matter how much you desire it. But only if we draw a line under a life, can we begin a new life. – Francesco Petrarca

Do not fear losing life, for death is only a change of residence. – Pythagoras

Only an extremely ignorant or extremely intelligent person can evade change. – Socrates

Many people recognize we are not subsequently – We have changed so much. Sirius

If you want to have an enemy, try to change someone. R.Anthony

Everything you touch, I verander.
Anything you change, Changes You.
What remains, is change.
Octavia Butler