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Waarom ben ik bang om jou te vertellen wie ik ben?

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I now read the 112th book on codependency, te weten:

‘Why am I afraid to tell you who I am?’ van John Powell, a great book again and I come to new insights, it is unbelievable. He writes. "None of us wants a fraudster, swindler or a lie life, none of us wants to be counterfeit, be an imitation or a nepper. But the fear that we experience and the risks that honest self-communication are so intense that we seek refuge in our roles, masks and games and that's a natural behavior for us'.

In short: we want to be honest but do not for fear of rejection, fear of being ridiculed and so we play our roles as codependent. Shakespeare had already discussed the fact that we all play our role on the stage of life and so it is.

The response of the codependent on demand: "Why am I afraid to tell you who I am?’ is: "Because if I tell you who I am, you will not and may reject me and I have everything I '. Lao tse zei: "If you do not take too much of others' opinions, you stay long life of their prisoner ', Lao Tse also knew of codependency.

I'm learning now to read through this at 112th book on codependency and I think I'm the only one in the Netherlands to more than 200 books on codependency and related subjects purchased, an investment of more than 3000 euro!. It's an investment in myself, where you can do your advantage. The Buddha said,: "Happiness comes when your work and words of benefit to yourself and to others," and that is what I experience.

Don Miguel Ruiz zei: "Vat nothing personally '. That's easier said than done. What others say about you is often no clean and clear perception but a positive or negative projection. Een uitspraak is: "Even contain the worst things that people say about you and truth…namely over them!’.

If you decide another mood, you are its slave codpendente and not interdependent master having its own intrinsic spiritual self.

Vragen en tips

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Assertive questions

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Assertieve communicatie

Duke Robinson writes in his book 'Too nice for your own good' about assertive communication. He gives the following example and also examples of what not to do.

Assertive:

"I would like it if you hold me for a while", of

"Would you hold me for a minute?"?’

 

Do not:

"I shouldn't have to ask you to hold me" (negative)

"Why don't you just hold me?!’ (negative and indirect)

"You should hold me in times like these" (moralistic)

“Loving people hold onto the one they love in times like these” (indirect and manipulative)

 

I'll add myself:

Do not:

"You never even hold me" (reproachfully, indirectly)

"Hold me right now!!’ (claiming, compelling)

"I saw someone holding their partner and that made me jealous because I don't have one" (indirectly, manipulatief)

"Take off your coat and comb your hair before you hold me" (controlling, claiming)

"Are you going to hold me because you want something from me?’ (suspicious, paranoia)

"If you hold me now, I will cook for you" (do business, bribe)

"If you don't hold me now I won't sleep with you tonight" (blackmail)

'A man walked into the market with a sign 'free hugs' I didn't even have to ask for it, always with you" (reproachfully)

"I want you to hold me now or I'm going to cry and scream" (playing victim, manipulative, threatening)

 

 

Oproep tot open communicatie

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I read the book 'Will the real me please stand up' by John Powell. He writes that everything about which we have no open communication burdens us. You are left with negative feelings and thoughts and physical complaints such as: heart problems, upset stomach, stiff muscles, backache, stress, etc.etc.

So don't make your heart a murder pit and take it out for the sake of your health. We often throw out the good and keep the bad hidden inside us, where it grows and does its destructive work.

Me a man who keeps saying he's so happy, he told me that a little too often, which made me suspect him of reaction formation, or show the opposite of what is there. So I asked him what he thought about his life and he said: "I didn't ask for it".

A typical response indicating that he is not so happy with the gift that life is. He added that after his death he does not want to be born again and will never come back. I think if you are happy and you had a good time in this life then you want to do it again, this was also a signal that the man is not so happy at all.

He also likes to play devil's advocate I noticed and that indicates repressed anger, so again unexpressed emotions, he believes in Ouspensky's view that negative emotions are useless, and something for weak people and that they should be destroyed, instead of thinking that negative emotions are messengers that you can use to track down unmet needs.

The man later said to me, when he felt that I got it, ‘Mijn leven is een groot drama en wat geniet ik daar toch van!’. I thought then: ‘You’re in deep shit, but I love you anyway’, didn't tell him that so as not to rob him of his illusion.

I thought then too: ‘Will the real me please stand up’. He is loved by most people for who he plays and not who he really is and he will feel it, he doesn't dare to show his true being for fear of rejection and condemnation and with that he burdens himself enormously and is tormented and i think also depressed, he always looks so sad and teased.

Out of you is my call to show your real self, because there may be. You can do that. on my codependency network the link is:

http://codependentie-netwerk.ning.com, You can also find the link on my site (to the right)

Be welcome and keep the good in you and throw off the bad. Afzien van expressie leidt tot depressie (and more misery).

Boek ‘Communicatie’

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In juni a.s, zal m’n boek ‘Communicatie’ verschijnen, hier wat informatie daarover:

Communicatie / Henny Bos
Everything you need to know about your communication in a nutshell.

Henny Bos gave communication training at HBO level for several years at the DOC in Doetinchem, where he worked as a freelance trainer and consultant. Henny was trained by, among others,. Bart van Luijk from DOOR.

During his work as a manager, Henny followed many communication courses and training courses, including. train the trainer and conflict management, etc.

Henny has delved further into communication and made a study of it, this book is the result of that study and his life experience.

read a lot- and learning fun!

2012 /9789462030220 / Paperback / 100 pagina’s, prijs 20 euro, uitgeverij Boekenbent