Intradependentie

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Intradependentie

Intradependentie, is your dependence of your subpersonalities on parts of yourself, who want to play boss.

You are then not congruent, maar verdeeld. The sub-personalities compete with each other.

Shakespeare gods: ‘Ik speel in mijn leven vele rollen, maar geen enkele raakt de kern’.

The sub-personalities are, as it were, orchestral members without leadership. They all play their own song and try to drown each other out. Then it is time for the conductor to come and order the members of the orchestra and let them play a harmonic song. That is also the meaning of universe one song.

As long as your sub-personalities are in control, if you are not congruent, the law of attraction does not work for you.
You can become one piece and get to your core.

Life is about your Core, your essence, to come to your Self.

Wanting you right and wanting results

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Many people would rather be right than happiness. When you talk to them, they prefer to be confirmed, they are so insecure of themselves! They allow themselves to be controlled by their urge for confirmation!

A friend joked about that and said: "You can say anything to me, but you will go furthest with flattery ”.

There was a counter with flattering lies and a counter with confrontational truth. All people stood before the counter of lies. Gurdjieff will be there too.

I read the book Caring enough to confront, it says that you only really love if you dare to confront the other person with truth and with his or her errors and illusions. Are you willing to enter into a possible conflict and lose control? Only then do you have compassion and love!

As a result we want to be right as a result, our benefit or confirmation. And so we can never make contact openly and problems arise.

“Between the banks of pain and pleasure,

stroomt de rivier van het leven.

Only when thinking and feeling beaches on one of the banks, and not going with the flow, creates misery. – Nisargadatta

As a result, we pursue our pleasure and our thoughts and feelings and thus strand on the banks of the river of life and so misery comes.

Amerikanen zeggen: “No pain, no gain”.

The most successful people in both spiritual and material areas, have had the most setbacks and failures. They did not get bitter, but got better!

I am not at all interested in my being right, but in my happiness. Happiness comes to the prepared mind!

I've noticed if you like what you do, and does what you love, the results present themselves. You are then in the “flow”. What Lao tse called "woe whei" either

do by not do….

Be like the bullseye, who does not care about a result either, but offers beauty and smells good, not to achieve anything, but because it is its nature.

Your nature is Love, even though you no longer know it and are alienated from it and now live under the control of fear. Follow your true nature and give and share love without worrying about the result, the cosmos will be good for you. If you want results from your love, it's business instead of love!

What you give and share comes back to you, je omgeving is de spiegel van jezelf!

If you want control and therefore talk a lot and listen little or not at all, you never come to in-depth communication. Everyone wants to be heard, but almost no one wants to listen.

Een cliënt praatte aan een stuk door, I hardly got a word in between, she "knew" everything so well and was sure of her case. Her son didn't want to talk to her anymore and it had to be up to him, for she was right (-). I advised her to sit next to her son saying she loves him and to keep silent and listen what her son would say to her. Also do not pull a questionable face, which would make her reject her son. She wanted to try it.

The wise Lao tse said: “Maybe I am the only muddler, because everyone is so sure of their case!”

Lao tse zei: “Be as soft as water, but also so strong that it hollows out the hardest rock ”.

Want control, you want right and want results, is what Nietzsche calls the will to power. And if you strive for power, you are now powerless!!

Bron: book Makes checking happy? Appears in the autumn 2020 Book published by Bent

THINK

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THINK is the acronym of is it:

True-Helpful-Interesting-Necessary-Kind

Before you say anything, then think of this!

And listen more often, without pulling a questionable face and without objections and yes-buts

Everyone wants to be heard, but almost no one wants to listen!

For real listening, you are in the here and now without thoughts.

Integrative- and eclectic coaching

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Integrative – and eclectic coaching
This approach is very characteristic of me. Bringing the client to his True self, taking into account his feelings, Emotions, thinking, beliefs, behaviors, experiences, handicaps, faith, spiritualiteit, lerend vermogen, etc.
Eclectic means that I get gold from many psychological and spiritual directions, attuned to the uniqueness of the client. The client learns to achieve spiritual wealth, expansion of consciousness, awareness and Self-knowledge / insight / awareness. The Delphi Oracle said it already: 'Know thyself'
Happiness is a by-product of awareness and Self-knowledge. And cannot be found outside of yourself, het is de weg naar binnen!….

An experience about my eclectic attitude is very funny: I got Jehovah's witnesses at the door, they imagine that they know and have THE Truth. I said to them: "You are like a flower!’. They started to beam at this compliment. Then I said: "I am an eclecticist, you know what that is?’. No they didn't know that, they only know the Bible. I explained that as an eclectic I pick my flowers from Christianity, jodendom, Buddhism, hindoeïsme, taoïsme, jainism, theosophy, psychology and philosophy, etc
Ik zei: "I do that which gives me a very nice bouquet, that is still getting bigger and more beautiful and now you want me to exchange that beautiful bouquet for that one flower of yours?!’
They did not get back from that, that too was not in the Bible, they then dropped off.

Windy Dryden's integrative and eclectic therapy is worth gaining insight.
The following model comes from that book and was translated by Leontine van Mourik

Advisory skills: an integrative framework A model for integrative counseling skills

The initial phase

Objectives
Building a working relationship Clarifying and defining problems Making an assessment Negotiating a contract

Strategies
Exploration / Introduction
Prioritize and focus
Communicate core values

Basic skills
Present
Observing clients Listening Reflective skills Investigative skills Being concrete

The middle phase

Objectives
Review issues again
Maintaining the working relationship Working on the contract

Strategies
Challenge through (giving):
Confrontation Feedback Feedback Guidelines Self-Disclosure Directness

Skills
Luisteren, reflective and investigative skills

The final phase

Objectives
Decisions / decisions regarding. changes Make changes Transfer knowledge End the counseling relationship Strategies
Set goals Plan of action Evaluate activities and support change Closure of treatment
Skills
Listening and challenging




Intuition and imagination

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Intuition and imagination

Observation instead of judgment, is the golden route to intuition and yourSelf as a spiritual being.

As a child we usually have good intuition, we then notice things that our parents do not perceive and then they reject us and as a result we lose our faith in our intuition and that is very unfortunate!.

As a child I had a pure belief in a loving God, sang the song: "On mountains and in valleys yes everywhere God is". And that's how I saw it. But that was dismissed as a fantasy, imagination. The teacher at school did not think I was rational enough and talked to my parents that I was a great person. I then concluded that something was wrong with me, because adults couldn't be wrong and so my thinking was mirrored and activated and I became more and more a thinker and rational. Your environment shapes you as a child.

We are "rationalized" and get into our heads and lose our contact with our feelings, intuition and angels, guides and spirits.

In short, we lose a lot because we look in the wrong mirror. That mirror is deformed and lying. Gurdjieff already pointed out that adults lie.

My mirror was also businesslike and loveless, I never saw my parents cuddle, they didn't do that to me either. The conclusion I drew was that I am not worthy of love, I walked around with that conviction for a long time, until I read Nietzsche when I was 15 who said that belief is the greatest enemy of truth, I read Sarte and Camus about existentialism and Hesse about Abraxas, the God of good and evil and taught to reconcile the devil and God. All mirrors for me! And valuable!
As a child of 4 I will put my long blond curls on a stool in my parents' butcher shop. A customer saw me and said to my mother: "What a nice daughter you have!My mother said in a gruff tone that I was not a daughter but a son. I then felt that I should not be there and became very shy with inferiority complex that I later overcompensated with arrogance. I developed into an enneagram type 3 or the Achiever, successful worker. That type mirrored it to me. I was loved for what I was (for someone else) and not for who I was. I then read that we were not human doings but human beings and that was an eye opener.

We only return to our original pure state when we are mirrored by an awakened one, by a master, we may speak of happiness if we recognize and recognize such a person and learn from it to come to our true selves.

That is the most precious and beautiful gift that we can receive and that also has eternal value!.

Later I came through my relationship with Elly and a holistic therapist, back to my feeling, intuition and imagination now that was reflected by those people. Then you have to deal with synchronicity and serendipity. I came across Einstein's text that said logic takes you from À to B., but that imagination takes you everywhere. And everywhere is God!
So my contact with the clergyman- and spiritual world was restored and strengthened. I retrained into holistic-, spiritual- and existential counselor and coach and almost have 2.000 people can coach by phone in a year and a half, to the great satisfaction and enthusiasm of the callers. Enthusiastically comes from En Teos and means God in you. During conversations my love now becomes, compassie, feeling and knowing clearly and creativity mirrored by the callers, it does me good and I learn a lot from it.

Bron: book The drama of being mirrored, je omgeving is de spiegel van jezelf – Henny Bos appears late 2020 Book published by Bent