I want them to like me

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Wanting to be liked causes a lot of problems and misery. If you think you need to, you will play the other person with behavior that should ensure that the other person will like you, to appease and flatter the other, you then play a role and are no longer yourself and alienated from yourself.

Then you are a people pleaser, a mister nice guy, like i always was. You act nice without being real. You are then unconsciously out to control the other person's behavior, by manipulating him and trying to adjust his behavior in your direction.

You forget that you can't change the other person and you can't force them to like you. In addition, the other person actually determines and controls your behavior. Anything you want to check, check yours, that's the tragedy.

Lao tse zei 500 BC: "If you care too much about what others think about you", you are their prisoner all your life'. Lao tse already knew what codependency was avant la lettre.

What the other person thinks of you is entirely his business and you have nothing to do with that, it's not your responsibility it's his. Bonny Raitt sings very beautifully: ‘Can’t make you love me, if you don’t’

If the other is incapable of loving and liking you, that's not your problem, but his. Americans say 'Don't interfere' or don't interfere, it is their karma, their business, not yours

If you like yourself you don't need others to like you and it will be the best part of you because you really, are authentic and amiable instead of playing a role and twisting and turning and being unreal.

Also from my knowledge of the Norwood groups, it appears that women who are unhappy and self-loathing are most eager to be liked and loved., like plaster on the wound and of course it doesn't work because they are mirrored in their behavior and attract partners who are not willing or able to love and like them, and that's a lesson for them that they often don't see, that they look in the mirror and see their own lovelessness reflected to themselves. They blame the partner and present themselves as an innocent victim and take no responsibility for their own life and happiness. What they don't realize is that if you've repressed your own shadow sides, you subconsciously attract them into a partner that shows them to you.…

In her excellent article 'Do you love to be needed, or need to be loved' writes Shari Schreiber: "The person you choose to love and as a partner will mirror your own emotional development"

If people aren't nice to you, you might not be nice to yourself. The Work of Byron Katie also points to that, that's the lesson we should learn.

Why do not you like me?

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Many people try to change the other person in their image, They play God, who also created humans in His image and likeness. They do not realize that if you want to make enemies, you should try to change the other.

An American actress said: "Women change their partner as long, until they no longer need him ', It is tragicomic.

John is a vegetarian and believes everyone should stop eating meat, he finds it cruel and stupid to eat meat, then come with all sorts of arguments to prove equal.

Annemieke is the blue button and does her best to get her partners Drink, thus they do not they always chases the door and wondered why she always attracts men who drink heavily, or sometimes to say something about her subconscious…

The pacifist says: "I am a pacifist and anyone who disagrees with me, I turn to his head .."

A woman who themselves deliberately, wise and sees spiritually, was vegetarian and did not drink and did not smoke. She fell in love with a man who was a meat eater drank and smoked and was a tough motorcycling rocker. She did her best to change it for her ideal image, when her that did not work she made it out. Her partner said:"I love you unconditionally for who you are and accept you completely and will wait for you until you go see what it's worth '. She thought about his words and understood then that she had not been the wise teacher, that it had given conditional love, that her partner had showed her what unconditional love and so was her teacher and she made it back in, and they were very happy.

I know a man who always tinkered with his friends to make them change and do not change, if they (thereby) then accounted he always gave others the blame, He saw himself as a loving and pure and was not open to self-reflection and projecting his unconscious misery on his friends who he accused, So he learned nothing from. In 5 years he wore as dozens of friends and yet he drew no conclusions from it to his own behavior!.

You can only change yourself and eventually grow and develop. Gandhi zei:’Wees zelf de verandering die je in de wereld wilt zien’

Ik belde m’n vriend Peter de Kock om hem te bedanken voor de inspiratie die hij me gaf, including the idea to write this article. I told him I 'Why do not you get the way I had written and he said very nice: "You should do long, because we are all equal and there is no longer a problem!’. I thought it was funny.

In ho'oponopono they also keep it to himself, by changing itself shows that also change the clients, very special is that. It is also my experience that if you change, your whole world around you completely changes. people who treated you badly disappear from your life or treat you well now, quite striking that, crafty.

What comes into you,nl?!

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My experience is that many people are hurt during their upbringing(75% of families are dysfunctional) and then decided not to be hurt anymore and set high limits. Ze komen dan in de beschermende en afwerende houding waarin je niet echt meer openstaat om dingen binnen te laten komen en niet echt kunt leren. Het is zelfs zo dat als je geen lerende houding hebt je per defintie in een beschermende en afwerende houding zit.

Als je in een afwerende en beschermende houding zit ben je wel veilig maar zit je ook in een isolement is er geen sprake van intimiteit, terwijl we daar eigenlijk naar verlangen. We zijn bang geworden voor intimiteit omdat we dan onze facade onze bescherming moeten laten vallen en bang zijn om ontmaskerd te worden.

Kun je je tot tranens toe laten ontroeren door muziek, een gedicht, een mooi woord, kunst, de natuur, etc. dan zijn je grenzen meer flexibel en komt er meer bij je binnen en geniet je van het goede dat bij je binnenkomt en durf je je kwetsbaar op te stellen omdat je in je kracht staat.

Nietzsche had het over de zachte stem van de waarheid, en schoonheid die alleen gehoord wordt door de ontwaakte ziel, een quote die m’n hart raakte en binnenkwam, want ik overschreeuwde mezelf nogal. Via twiiter werd ik door Jan Bommerez geattendeerd op deze quote van Nietzsche en dat geeft al aan dat Jan het ook binnen liet komen en door wil geven. Het kan ook zijn dat de uitspraak van Nietzsche je niks doet en niks zegt dan zijn voor jou andere woorden nodig om je te doen ontwaken. Neale Donald Walsch zei:’ We worden geleid naar de waarheid waarvoor we openstaan’.

Wat zijn de 7 meest indrukwekkende momenten en gebeurtenissen die bij je binnenkwamen?. Het vertelt veel over je wezen of je ego. Hoe hebben die gebeurtenissen je leven veranderd en was dat positief voor je of ben je erdoor verbitterd geraakt…

Als je dingen binnen durft te laten komen ben je bereid om te veranderen, te groeien en je te ontwikkelen en dan werk je met de genade mee en leef je pas echt, alles wat niet groeit is dood.

Als je denkt het weten te hebben heb je geen interesse meer in informatie en nieuwe inzichten, want je weet immers al. Dan word je start en rigide en blijft alles bij het oude vertrouwde, ook al kwelt je dat. Dan leef je als de machine waar Gurdjieff het over heeft, dan doe je alles mechanisch

Als je op zoek bent naar liefde, erkenning, respect, waardering, etc. besef je niet dat dat allemaal al in je zit en dat je dat alleen nog niet weet en dus van buiten denkt te kunnen halen. Je mag je ook voor je eigen wezen en ziel openstellen en dat binnen laten komen. Ook binnen laten komen dat je naar het evenbeeld van God bent geschapen en dus goddelijk bent. De Bijbel zegt: ‘Weet ge niet dat ge goden zijt’, nee vaak staan we daar niet voor open.

The law of abundance and happiness

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The cornucopia….

If you say: "Can I catch smoothing ', then the Universe also says "Can I catch smoothness you" and take away from you and you pay the price. However, if you say: "I want to give and share" says the universe: "I will give you and share with you," and you will know abundance and happiness.

The Bible says not for nothing: "Those who have will receive more and those who have not even what they have will be taken '. Those parts will be given their love and wisdom is my experience.

The more you give and share, the more you will receive. This applies in particular to love and wisdom. You will it enrich your life. The Course in Miracles says that giving and receiving are one and the same.

So do not be stingy but generous. People with love and wisdom will always be willing also to give and share it and you do not remember. People can offer their 'love' and 'wisdom' have remembered anything and only want to take, get, receive and parasitize and benefit.

When people no to your blessing is a blessing. It saves you a lot of trouble and you owe them nothing.

If you are 'clear' either congruent, from a piece, ie your conscious and subconscious agree with each other and that you think, feelings and actions are aligned then the 'Law of Attraction' works or the Law of Attraction and you will prosper, happiness and overfed know and attract and like to give them and share.

A woman once refused to co-counsel with me, she said she had a rich life. I doubted that, because if you really are spiritually rich you would like to give and share. I told her the story of the beggar and the rich king. The beggar asked the wealthy king to give some of his treasures. The king said: "Wait until I'm uitgebeden, I will be your word and the royal bath: "Lord give me more land, give me more wealth, more subjects, more happiness, etc. "When the king was uitgebeden said the beggar: "Sorry king, I thought you were rich, but you're a bum like me!’. The woman was not amused when she heard this story, it was too confrontational or they had to be able to laugh. How much truth can a man endure Nietzsche said.

As a millionaire can not experience abundance as he always compares with a billionaire. He is unhappy and wants to take more, given and received. They say that you should not look at what someone has achieved, but what is his desire. Pursue your endeavor to only enrich yourself whether you want to create your serve as Jesus did.

The Buddha said,: "Happiness comes when your work and words of benefit to you and the other '.

Oproep tot open communicatie

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I read the book 'Will the real me please stand up' by John Powell. He writes that everything about which we have no open communication burdens us. You are left with negative feelings and thoughts and physical complaints such as: heart problems, upset stomach, stiff muscles, backache, stress, etc.etc.

So don't make your heart a murder pit and take it out for the sake of your health. We often throw out the good and keep the bad hidden inside us, where it grows and does its destructive work.

Me a man who keeps saying he's so happy, he told me that a little too often, which made me suspect him of reaction formation, or show the opposite of what is there. So I asked him what he thought about his life and he said: "I didn't ask for it".

A typical response indicating that he is not so happy with the gift that life is. He added that after his death he does not want to be born again and will never come back. I think if you are happy and you had a good time in this life then you want to do it again, this was also a signal that the man is not so happy at all.

He also likes to play devil's advocate I noticed and that indicates repressed anger, so again unexpressed emotions, he believes in Ouspensky's view that negative emotions are useless, and something for weak people and that they should be destroyed, instead of thinking that negative emotions are messengers that you can use to track down unmet needs.

The man later said to me, when he felt that I got it, ‘Mijn leven is een groot drama en wat geniet ik daar toch van!’. I thought then: ‘You’re in deep shit, but I love you anyway’, didn't tell him that so as not to rob him of his illusion.

I thought then too: ‘Will the real me please stand up’. He is loved by most people for who he plays and not who he really is and he will feel it, he doesn't dare to show his true being for fear of rejection and condemnation and with that he burdens himself enormously and is tormented and i think also depressed, he always looks so sad and teased.

Out of you is my call to show your real self, because there may be. You can do that. on my codependency network the link is:

http://codependentie-netwerk.ning.com, You can also find the link on my site (to the right)

Be welcome and keep the good in you and throw off the bad. Afzien van expressie leidt tot depressie (and more misery).