Impressie management & codependentie

/in /by

Codependents practice impression management. They do their utmost to make a good impression on the other person, even if it requires them to distort and twist reality. It's lying but that's not what the codependent is about, it's about the support he needs from the other.

I know it very well from my own life, I weighed everything I did and said to make sure it had the effect I wanted. I always pretended to be good and 'happy' even though deep down I felt very different and often lonely and isolated, I overruled myself resulting in a crisis.

If you tend to impress someone else, are you often impressed by that other person and therefore allow yourself to be controlled by that other person without wanting to.

The codependent who practices impression management knows exactly what the other wants from him and responds to it, even if it's at his own expense. He wants to do it 'right' at all costs and therefore does not do it well. Hyper Intention repels the desired.

As a codependent I was the good marketing manager who responded to the needs of the customer, I forgot my own needs, I thought they were of minor importance, I survived and I thought I was good. The lack of self-reflection is characteristic of the codependent.

The reflection also does not come from the other person because they are fine with you responding to their needs, so it suits them well, they enjoy it and benefit from it and so don't say anything or they don't even notice that you do impression management. It is only the few who really perceive and see, the masses are easily misled by your mister nice guy show. In fact, you are confirmed in your show and then your behavior is reinforced and it repeats itself and you remain a prisoner of your own play.. Shakespeare said that we all play a role on the stage of life…

Because of my crisis I came to self-reflection and only became aware of what I was doing and so I could do something about it and came to self-reflection and learned a lot from it.

People pleasers are the codedependent impression management people par excellence, they want to please everyone and make everyone happy even if they are unhappy themselves. In the background, the fear of exposure constantly plays a role, so the codependent always has to be on his guard and can't relax and that stress causes many other problems.

Ontkenning van je codependentie

/in /by

The denial of reality is a codependent draw. Fleeing in an illusion, get a lie than the preferred.

Deniers simply call their situation and normal and so do nothing. Maslow gods:"What people call normal is the psychopathology of the average person '. Who is quite normal is not quite normal.

I spoke to a woman I'll call Carla. I remarked to her that she was not so kind to her inner child, a typical codependent draw. I asked Carla how her family was where she grew up. She said: "Oh, I grew up in a very happy family, my parents were very loving '. I did not believe her and suspected her to be in denial of the unpleasant reality and early so by: "How was your father for you," I asked. "My father was never there," she said casually. I knew immediately what it was and told her in the lurch as also her inner child showed just as her father had abandoned.

There is a story of a master who talked about to mention the miserable condition of a student without his name. When the master had finished said this student: "I'm so glad you're not talking about me, one who you are describing is miserable "So many of us are also in denial and so bad we know ourselves.

Nancy Groom lists a number of consequences of denial, calls them:

-spitituele sterility

-loss of authenticity

-lack of intimacy

I would add that:

-alienation from your true self

-a major blockade on self-knowledge and self-reflection

-displacement of anger

Nancy Groom writes: "A friend of mine asked me: "How long do you think my husband was a stranger to me '. I answered:"He's always been a stranger to himself, For his motives, emotions and needs, how can he reveal himself to you as he does not even know who he is!’. It is impossible to share what you do not know and do not know. Until we reach out to our pain and joy we can not empathize with us in the pain and joy of others.

Many of us deny that we are spiritual beings having a human experience and that keeps the codependency in position.

Ingeborg Bosch talks about the defense of old pain she calls "Denial of needs'. The most difficult to overcome defenses because you say that with you nothing is wrong. You are perfectly imperfect and so there is always something going on!.

Denial is an act of violence to yourself, You will be your own enemy(see anger to yourself, be your own enemy). Nietzsche said: ‘Hoeveel waarheid kan een mens verdragen, how much truth he dares "The truth makes many people angry, they want to hear of it because it is a threat to their idealized self-image that they want at all costs to maintain.

Caution but how quickly people with clearance but yes(so no) and then deny what you said to them about themselves. We do see the speck in the eye of the other, but not the beam in our own eye does the Bible.

You can not acquire mastery over the things you do not want to know and do not know, you will remain a slave, a victim and a robot, programmed by others.

In the dysfunctional family in which the codependent grew up has never been a strong emotional bond between parents and children, therefore the children to think that an emotional bond does not exist and deny them thus and thus they deny any intimniteit and may also enter into any emotional connection to another. They have a distorted image of God, themselves and others who love them for the truth, with all the disastrous consequences of such a. They also deny the love within themselves, the love that they are essentially, a kind of spiritual suicide is so. Real connections they do not know and thus deny them

In codependency there is only bondage, in interdependence, there is communion with God, themselves and others.

Codependents deny their real self and create a false, unreal itself to survive. The experience of the real self is too painful for them, So they flee to. The fair itself is abused in the dysfunctional family, ignored, gekleineerd, etc so the codependent taught as a child that's not okay his real self and creates a false self or ego and lives in constant fear that false self is punctured and are onmaskerd.

They keep themselves very much in fear that the other person finds out how they really are, so there is no initimiteit but detachment and no chance of a healthy and good relationship with someone else and himself. There is fear instead of love. If they discover their true selves, they would notice that Love is that they can share, giving and receiving, and that interdependence.

Waarheid

/in /by

Neale Donald Walsch wrote:"We are led to the truth for which we are open 'and I give him quite right, that's true for me. Materialists do not believe in the spiritual and point out that sometimes not even investigate. They deny what they do not know…

Confucius said that you can not bring people the truth, but you have to carry people to the truth. I see that as. The truth for me is like a flowing river, dynamic, always innovative and you cant bring people.

The moment you try to squeeze the truth in a system, it has become all untruth, The following story is about:

Hazrat went along with the devil and they saw a man very happy always picked something from the ground. Hazrat asked the devil;"What does this man ever yet, he's so happy "" Oh that's the truth, "the devil said," That you do not like that his "Hazrat said. "Oh surely," said the devil:"I make sure that he makes a system and an organization '…

The truth can only live and not put into words. Be love and that will be when you get to your core, comes to your essence and you will live the truth and giving and sharing with your being.

Ken Wilber was asked how well he knows what truth, he replied:’That what hits!’. What hits you in heart and soul, and then you feel with your whole being that's the truth.

Beware of people who claim to know the truth and to proclaim, they are charlatans, deceivers, deceivers who want to have power over you. Listen to those who want to sincerely seek the truth and are on their way and enjoy their journey and loving, compassionate, are warm and friendly.

Even the Buddha said that you should not blindly believe his words and adopt for truth, but should investigate, learn and experience and you know the truth.

Even the worst things people say about you contain a kernel of truth…namely about them ..! If someone wants to lie than angry. Als je iemand razend wil maken, zeg hem dan de waarheid,I once read somewhere and it is obvious that if someone says he will sometimes tell you the truth as it is usually negative.

Truth is that the universe is still expanding daily by billions of kilometers and is growing, everything is evolving and dynamic.

It was assumed that the world was flat and the center of the universe that was for the church and many of the church's truth, I once read that those who never change their opinions love themselves more than the truth. and also: The truth is traveling around the world. She must, because she is rejected everywhere.

Another statement that is characteristic I found on the Internet at:The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear.-Herbert Agar. In the Bible the truth will set you free, but how much interest we have in the truth?

Nietzsche zei: "How much truth can a human being endure how much truth he ventures?!’, Indeed, we often prefer living a lie and an illusion because we are all aware and awake, where we sleep and dream that we are awake. If this is a delusion for you is beautiful, because every disillusionment is one step closer to the truth……

Here are some quotes about truth:

“People occasionally stumble over the truth, but most scribbling hastily and walk quickly as if nothing had happened.” – Winston Churchill English statesman 1874-1965

They never change their opinions love themselves more than the truth. – Joubert

Each disillusionment is one step closer to the truth – Henny Bos

Believe those who seek the truth; doubt those who find them. – A.Gide

“Religion does not consist in knowing the truth, but in life it.” – Buddha

“Truth and freedom than are nowhere closer to the intersection love.” – Anton of Dunkirk

“Wisdom can be found only in truth.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“Who recognizes never wrong loves himself more than the truth.” – Joseph Joubert

“What value can a spirit, how much truth can defy a spirit? This was to me more and more of the actual measurement value.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

Truth is like a river, which always renews and fed by the source and many other rivers that come out and the rain which descends like a blessing from above – Henny Bos

Beauty is truth and truth is beauty – Keats

If you live long enough in a lie do you believe is the truth – Henny Bos

Nobody knows the truth, because we take a very small part of what – Henny Bos

If someone is going to tell you the truth is that most negative comments you get and you can also take advantage of it- Henny Bos

The truth will set you free, but first make most furious – Henny Bos

Fine words are often not true and true words are often not pretty – Lao tse

If people have to choose between an unpleasant truth or a lie flattering, they often choose the lie – Henny Bos

The truth is that nothing less, but are nothing more than another – Henny Bos

What is your true worth if you do not go along with you and you do not develop further and still remains – Henny Bos

Truth is change, dynamic and can not squeeze into a belief or method – Henny Bos

Idiosyncrasie

/in , /by

Idiosyncrasie is volgens de Van Dale: aangeboren overgevoeligheid voor bepaalde prikkels.

Ik maakte dat pas echt mee tijdens m’n eerste psychose toen alle filters van de waarneming wegvielen en alle indrukken tegelijk binnenkwamen en me verwarden, zoveel informatie tegelijkertijd, zoveel prikkels kon ik niet aan. Ik werd in een isoleercel geplaatst om maar vooral geen prikkels te krijgen.

Ook als kind was ik al idiosyncratisch en voelde heel snel als ik werd afgewezen en niet mocht zijn wie ik was. Dat men me wilde veranderen en ik dus kennelijk niet deugde zoals ik was(-)

Ik vond dat heel pijnlijk en heb vele jaren grote problemen gehad met afwijzing, waardoor ik het juist aantrok(om ervan te kunnen leren, maar dat wist ik toen nog niet).

Ik ken enkele hoog sensitieve mensen en die zijn ook idiosyncratisch. Ze voelen de energieën van mensen hun hebzucht, woede, jaloezie, boosheid, prikkelbaarheid en deze prikkel introjecteren ze, internaliseren dat en ze voelen nog beter dan de ander wat de ander voelt en hebben daar vaak last van. Ze moeten leren zichzelf tegen die prikkels te beschermen.

Er wordt ook reclame gemaakt voor mensen die een kort lontje hebben en die zou je ook idiosyncratisch kunnen noemen.. Ze zijn overgevoelig voor beledigingen en nemen alles heel persoonlijk op en gaan gelijk in de tegenaanval. Ze beantwoorden haat met haat in plaats van met liefde wat intelligenter zou zijn.

Een kennis van me is ook idiosyncratisch, hij heeft de neiging zich uit zelfbescherming uit de wereld terug te trekken, het is een solist, een Einzelgänger, geworden. Dat doet me denken aan een boef die alleen werkt dat is een Einzelgängster. Die kennis is geen boef maar is z’n emoties niet de baas. Hij zei: ‘Als de wereld zo is dan heb ik er niks te zoeken’. Hij is nogal zwaarmoedig, als ik twee uur met de man praat moet ik echt weg want dan voel ik me helemaal zwaar worden, ook idiosyncratisch van mij.

Als je last hebt van idiosyncrasie is het verstandig om meer van je verstand van je denken gebruik te maken en te affirmeren dat je het goed is wat je ook voelt. Als gevoelens gaan overheersen loop je in de val van emotionele incontinentie en sentimentaliteit de uitdaging is dan om naar je denken en handelen te gaan om tot een goede balans tussen denken, voelen en handelen te komen.

Dan heb je nog het tegendeel van idiosyncrasie dat zijn de mensen die gespeend zijn van gevoel en alleen maar in hun hoofd zitten en soms zelf een plaat voor hun kop hebben,geen enkele prikkel komt dan binnen. De uitdaging is dan om meer te voelen en te handelen.

 

 

Gedichtje van Nisargadatta

/in , /by

Between the banks of pain and pleasure,

the river flows

Only when thinking and feeling stranded on one of the banks

and not going with the flow

creates misery…..

 

Nisargadatta