My experiences with the book 'Illusions':
In March 2009 I read the book Illusies for the second time. In 2003 I had first read and I had two pages of notes and I thought I knew it all. In 2009 I made a whopping fifteen pages 67 notes.
The most striking was that I 2003 total no attention was the following text from the book:’And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice, there is little we can do to change, until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds "I read it in full over. Over ‘fail to notice’ gesproken! I was blind.
says Ingeborg:”What we experienced as children and displaced is where we are in the present fear.” If as a child was not beloved, as many of us, are you afraid not to get love and to earn and become what they call a people pleaser in codependency and try it the other to make sense in the hope that you are loved. Ingeborg calls this false power, it 'as…dan’ principe.
Fear is what drives most of us and a defense of old pain is not processed and transformed. writes Ingeborg:”The man who got a lot of criticism to endure as a child, as an adult very afraid of criticism he gets much of his boss and his wife and himself to have a strong tendency to criticize others.” I recognized it all in my codependency.
Bosch says: “The PRI looks at mental illness: as a defense against old pain and no more or less fatal flaw in our organism”, en: “The suffering of people is largely caused by immune mechanisms.”
Ingeborg distinguishes these defenses:
-the primary defense
Which consists of thoughts and feelings that involve the us is wrong (I am stupid, niet goed genoeg, etc.). In codependency they call low self-esteem with an inner critic.
-false hope
This can be identified by thoughts that have the following form: If I do something or not do I get what I need ', It's always like…dan… If I have, I will be happy once those cute relationship; so no. If you're not happy you will therefore not be. The people pleaser from codependency is giving to get, so off: but if I do the kind of people will be nice for me.
-false power
Has three characteristics:
-1-thoughts with you the other or others condemned to somehow, he's no good, they are flawed. It is the persecutor / prosecutor from codependency.
-2-linking these thoughts to emotions that can range from mild irritation to rage
-3-feelings of superiority in relation to the other (ik ben oké , the other does not)
-denial of needs
This is the feeling nothing necessary, combined with an emotionally and physically more or less numbed state of being and behavior showing that nothing is wrong. Everything can wait, (almost) Nothing is urgent or important, real passion and emotional intimacy missing. This defense I had very strong. I scored high on the test and knew it was right. Also, I just assumed that there was nothing to do with me going on and therefore did nothing and remained unconscious with the idea that I was aware and did not know I did not know. Bosch calls these defenses seem the hardest to, because the denial. Denial is another one of the characteristics of codependency; the weather just right.
-angst
This is the defense to keep the truth away; feeling the defense as truth rather than illusion comes down to strengthening the immune system. Lao tse zei:”True words are not beautiful” and therefore we run away before and we are afraid.
My experience is that we often have the fear to show our true being, fear of rejection and criticism and condemnation, and then we choose an ideal which I was calculating and will fall into the pot with the other. a persona, a mask, We put then on the idea that makes us better and more beautiful than we really are, but because we reject who we really are more and magnified the fear of exposure.
Fear is there to lose what you have now or not getting what you want, that it is not running as you'd like. If it walk like you'd like it would be a mess. Nietzsche said no coincidence that, If you wish would come from, you soon in hell would live. We do not get what we ask for and want, but exactly what we need and we can trust that all will benefit our true selves.
