In the deep (Diepmagazine)
The symptoms of codependency
Some people think, feel and act codependent (Over-dependent). People who are codependent tend others in any way whatsoever to control and manipulate. Codependency is therefore not a positive trait and can hurt anyone who comes in contact. The good news? Codependent you're not, but do you, it is learned and therefore can be unlearned again. An article by Henny Bos.
In the Netherlands, codependency hardly known. Codependency is a broad term. If you attempt to define a number of characteristics forward.
Dependent on external sources
Codependent people are usually brought up in a dysfunctional family or caught up in a dysfunctional relationship. For their self-esteem, they are dependent on external sources, hence more value other than eigenvalue,. They want to help others, needed / useful, even at the expense of himself. They give in order to get (erkenning, waardering, love etc.). We call these people or people pleasers: they want to be very much liked. There is a false self, ego, distorted thoughts and feelings. Moreover, they want to control. There is a lack of self-knowledge and it denies that what is going on (we are perfectly imperfect, so there is always something going on and learning and unlearning!).
codependent behavior
You notice their behavior that some people suffer from codependency. This behavior can be very versatile. Obsessive care for the other to low self-esteem. Lack of confidence to extreme anger. Sometimes people find it difficult to have fun and be spontaneous. One reacts passively through crying, are hurt and helplessness. The other just aggressive violence, anger and dominance. Still others combine passive aggressive comments.
learned
Codependent you're not, but do you, it is learned and therefore can be unlearned again. You might codependent be regarded as a sub-personality that dominates if you think codependent, feel and act. It is introjected thinking, feel and act, not your own, it has come from outside and you can release it again and the road going in. It is internalized behavior. The solution lies in Self-knowledge, self-Understanding, Self-awareness and awareness.
Education
The codependent behavior is caused by upbringing in a dysfunctional family in a dysfunctional relationship you have with the other person or yourself. It is estimated that more than 75% of families are dysfunctional, therefore, with little or no heat, attention, love and nurturing. We drag our whole lives with us in the form of codependent behavior.
fencing
About the cure / healing I can be brief and that is self-knowledge and self-understanding, awareness e.e.a. and come out of the denial / resistance. A master told in general terms about the miserable state of his pupil, So without mentioning his name. When the master had finished she said pupil: "I'm so glad you're not talking about me ,because the one you describe is there miserable!’. So bad, we know ourselves. Would you know if you're codependent? Then you can test do in my brochure.
Author: Henny Bos
Knowing more? Download the brochures Basics of codependency 1 and / or basic knowledge of codependency 2 Henny Bos.
Henny Bos is codependentie-expert/coach. You can reach him via hennybos@xs4all.nl.
colophon | Disclaimer
