-brought up in a dysfunctional family or caught up in a dysfunctional relationship
-esteem depends on external sources, hence more value other than eigenvalue, to help others,required,want to be useful, even at the expense of himself
-control will, controlefreak
-give to get (erkenning,waardering,love,etc.)
-false self, ego, distorted thoughts and feelings
-people pleaser, kind to be found
-lack of self-knowledge, I idealized(illusoir)
-denial that something is going on(we are perfectly imperfect, so there is always something going on and learning and unlearning!)
-Blind to their own borders or those of another
Codependent you're not, but do you, it is learned and therefore can be unlearned again.
Je codependent would be regarded as a sub-personality that dominates if you think codependent, feel and act. It is introjected thinking, feel and act, not your own, it has come from outside and you can release it again and the road going in. It is internalized behavior.
The solution lies in Self-knowledge, self-Understanding, Self-awareness and awareness.
Ik have devised a definition, te weten:
In a dysfunctional family brought up with little to no love, attention, warmth and nurturance or sit in a dysfunctional relationship, in which you can flourish and have a good relationship with yourself, with your inner child, with your true essence, your enemy without realizing that, denial that something is going on. Feelings of self-worth depends on external sources. Attention, love, erkenning, thinking can get appreciation from outside. Codependent behavior is also characterized by the desire needed, others want to help / save.
De definition of Sandra Smalley is also very nice, she says:"Codependency is a term used to describe excessive dependence pattern of learned behaviors, beliefs and feelings, that make life painful. It is a dependence on people and things outside of yourself along with the neglect of the self to the point where there is little self-identity, she says that codependents save their feelings, They do things like manipulate, project, blame, intellectualiseren, minimalize, maintain, solve, check, Denying feelings and want to save.
Philip Beebe says: "Codependency is a specific pattern of personal traits that are characterized by a loss of self-identity, excessive involvement with others as a means to put self identity and excessive caring behavior resulting in a lack of self-care.’
Robert Subby describes codependency as an emotional, psychological and behavioral condition, which develops as a result of a prolonged exposure of the individual to suppressive rules, rules that: and inhibit open expression of feelings and prevention and also the discussion of personal and interpersonal problems.
Charles Whitfield says: "Codependency develops as we transfer the responsibility of our life and happiness to our ego and others’ My speculation is this: Once we allow others to determine our value, we have to try to control the other person how they think and feel about us, and all you are trying to control, check yours!
